"You don't see it?"
"No, Al. It's not possible."
"But the Colonel might be--"
"He goes out with everything that has boobs, Al! There's no way he could be gay!"
Alphonse sighed, shaking his head. He knew Ed had Roy completely stereotyped and that he'd have no chance of convincing him. Still, he wondered how Ed could miss it when Roy sneakily stared at the male members of his team--including Ed. Al, personally, thanked his armored body for that fact, that Roy wouldn't be watching him.
"Maybe he does that to cover the fact that he's gay."
"Why? There's no crime against homosexuality."
"Yes, but people still don't fully accept it."
"Why are we even discussing this?! He's not gay!"
"He just might surprise you, brother."
"I think if he ever told me that he's gay, I'd have a heart attack."
---
-5 years later-
"What does he want now? I told him I'm retired."
"As of tomorrow, brother. He can still call you into his office until the end of the day. Besides, you two are friends. Why don't you just go see him?"
"I don't want to. I've seen enough of that pain in the ass to last a year."
"You have to go. He summoned you."
"God d-- you know what, fine. I'll go."
---
"Yeah yeah, whaddya want?"
"Good to see you in my office again, Edward. Though I was hoping you would use a bit more maturity and civility in addressing me."
"Please. I'm practically retired, I don't have to."
"Yes, but it would be nice."
Ed glared at Roy before taking a seat on the comfy couch, rubbing his forehead with a frustrated sigh. "What would you like, General?"
Though he didn't quite notice it at first, Ed was surprised to find Roy had sat down next to him on the couch. He glared at Roy halfassedly, trying to absorb Roy's oddly hesitant conversation through his headache.
"I've called you here to.. ask.. admit.. something. You're fairly good at reading people, so I'm sure you already know it by now."
"Know what?"
"Sometimes someone isn't always..true to themselves, due to what other people expect from them.
"Sometimes.. They compromise. And, godammit Edward, I don't want to do that any longer."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I consider you a good friend, Ed. And I don't want what I'm about to say affect our friendship."
"Get to the point!"
"All right, all right." Roy took a deep breath, confusing Ed even further. "I like men."
"...Okay? I like men too. There's a lot of good guys in the world."
"No, Ed. I like men in a non-heterosexual way."
"What?" Ed stared at Roy with a grin. "Now I know you're fuckin' with me."
"No, I.." Roy sighed, glancing around. A quick copy of his action revealed to Ed that they were, in fact, alone. "I'm serious, Ed. I'm.. gay. All right? I said it."
Ed rubbed his forehead again with his cool automail hand, glaring at Roy once more. "Don't shit around with me, Mustang. You know I've got too much crap to deal with without you adding some dumb prank to it."
"Ed, I'm not--"
"And why do you keep calling me Ed? Up until a week ago I was always Fullmetal or Elric to you! Dammit Mustang, I just got Al back last month, I'm still trying to get him adjusted to life again and I'm trying to get out of the military before I'm called to frickin' Drachma, I'm under enough stress without your stupid head games!"
"Would you just shut up already and listen? This isn't some prank or joke. I'm being completely honest with you."
"You're gone out with every woman in Central. You can't be gay." Ed rubbed at his chest with a mild grimace on his face, shaking his head at Roy's argument.
"I told you, it was to keep up with appearances."
"But there were never any signs!" Still caught up in disbelief of what Roy was saying, Ed paid little mind to the still-present, nagging pain in his chest.
"There were plenty! If you had just paid attention! I used to watch you--"
"I was underage you pervert!"
"Not when you hit 17!"
"That was three years ago! Were you staring at my ass for three years?!"
"Yes!"
"Why the hell--" Ed was silenced by something he'd never imagined, not even in his most twisted thoughts. He felt a crushing weight as Roy was pressed on top of him, pinning him in a kiss. Caught completely off-guard and stunned beyond coherent thought, Ed simply remained still for several tense moments before attempting to shove Roy off. "Get--off!" He gasped, first getting his mouth free from Roy.
"Ed, I.. I'm--"
"Off!" Ed shoved at Roy again, the pain in his chest more apparent now. "You're hurting--me--"
Roy shot up and off Ed faster than Ed could notice Roy's absence. Seeing Ed still struggling, Roy assumed it was Ed coping with the kiss. "Ed.. I'm sorry, I--"
"Get off," Ed repeated, grabbing at his chest, pain still clear on his face. As he gasped for breath, Roy sensed his unease was coming not from the conflict, but from within.
"Ed? What's wrong?" Roy reached forward, but before he could touch Ed, the younger man grabbed Roy's wrist.
"My--chest it--ahh, ghh--"
"Oh god, I think you're having a heart attack." Roy turned his head, calling as loudly as he could for medical help. Once his cry was answered, Roy turned back to try to alleviate Ed's stress. "Help is on its way, Ed. Relax, breathe. You're gonna be fine."
Confused by the pain, Ed's mind clouded as he tried to ignore the overwhelming feeling of it. He tried to cry out for Al, but wasn't sure if he could even breathe or not. And over the fading voices surrounding him, the last thing he heard was his mind.
Damn, you were right, Al.
---
"Brother?"
"Is he waking up?"
"He's moving. I think he is."
"Edward?"
Unable to find his voice to respond, Ed first opened his eyes, gazing around the room slowly. His eyes first settled on Al, but seeing movement, he turned his gaze to Roy.
"Ed, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize this would affect you so greatly, I..."
"S'alright," Ed managed, finding his voice. "My fault." He gave half a chuckle, still feeling tired and out of sorts. "Right Al?"
Worry for his brother's health and relief that Ed would be fine, Al was suddenly overcome with emotions and let them out I'm a shaky, giddy laugh. "You're going to joke about that now?"
"Already had the heart attack, think I'm allowed." He turned to Roy to make amends. "So, you really are gay, huh?"
"It took a heart attack to prove that to you?"
"Al suspected it years ago. I didn't believe him."
"He told me that if he ever found out you were then he'd have a heart attack."
"My own fault."
"Geez, Ed. Still, I'm sorry--"
"Oh don't be. I was just overstressed. Guess I'll have to calm down now."
"Yeah, I can see that happening," Al said in amused sarcasm.
"You and me both."
"Oh you two go to hell."
"Come on General, we'd better go and let Ed rest." Al stood, smiling.
"Good idea. Perhaps when he's feeling better, maybe I can take him out on a date."
Ed threw his hospital sheets back enough to free his automail hand and brandish a fist.
"I'm not gay!"